Am I being lied to?

Have you ever wondered if you believe a lie?  There are lots of things we simply do not know for certain.  Can we trust what the majority says is right and true?  I lived as a victim of a lie for many years.  I became so convinced the lie was true that it became a subconscious fact.  The lie I believed was that I thought it was wrong to be happy.  I thought being happy meant I was doing something bad.  As with all lies, this belief was incredibly harmful to me psychologically, emotionally and spiritually.  Thankfully others helped me to see the lie for what it was, a lie, and once it was revealed to be a lie it held no more power over me.

I am convinced that the majority of people in this time period have been deceived by a lie.  Not the same lie I was deceived by, but a different lie.  I know that it is easy to fall for a lie, especially when you are told the lie from someone you trust or admire.  This particular lie, that has duped the masses has been widely accepted as truth.  It is promoted and backed by huge organizations. Millions of dollars are spent on promoting this lie.  They say it will bring you happiness, pleasure, fun, fulfillment, love, but it won't.  In will do just the opposite. It will bring you things like shame, sadness, depression, sickness, anger, loneliness, and fear.

So what is it?  I've already given you some clues.  If you can figure out what this lie is without me telling you, it will be easier for you to admit that it's a lie.  It will be easier for you to realize this thing you thought you were doing right and that you thought was helping your relationships, and could help you find true love, peace, happiness, fulfillment, was actually causing you psychological, emotional, spiritual and even physical pain.  If you can see the damage the lie is doing to you, if you can admit it to yourself, you can become free of it.  Not on your own, though.  It will be almost 100% guaranteed that you will be unable to become free from this lie by your own power.  Do not despair, because there is also a 100% sure fire way to become free from this lie, but it's hard.  You're probably thinking, "She's trying to sell me something..."  Yes and no.  I'm trying sell you an idea.  It's free of cost if you only think of the cost in terms of money.  It's not free if you think of cost as something else, in this case giving up something highly enjoyable, yet at the same time highly dangerous.

Perhaps you've guessed what I'm talking about by now.  If you have feel free to skip ahead to the next paragraph.  If you haven't let's do this exercise.  Think back on the last movie you watched.  I don't know what your movie is, but if it's anything like the last movie I watched you're likely going to see the lie being promoted as something that is wonderful.  It's touted as something that will bring you much pleasure and happiness.  It is also shown as normal, so it may not stand out to you, you need to think, what is shown as right, and normal, but is actually wrong, and harmful?  The last movie I saw was Passengers.  The lie was quite prevalent, but at the same time could easily be overlooked.  Ok maybe you don't watch movies, think back to the last few tv shows you watched.  Maybe you're anti-technology, fine think about the posters and banners you saw in the department store you last visited or the magazine covers you saw while standing in line at the grocery store.  The lie is beaten into us like a never ending drum beat.  It's there in your subconscious whether you like it or not.  Unless your blind, and deaf, you've encountered this lie many times already today.

Ok if you have or have not guessed what I'm talking about read on.  I'm going to speak plainly now.  I am telling you this because if you can accept that the following is a lie then you change.  If you can change you will find yourself happier and more fulfilled and overall you will have a better life.  This is a lie: Go ahead and be free, be free and have sex with whoever you want whenever you want.  If you do this you will have more friends, you will be happy, you will feel good about yourself.  You don't need some contract or piece of paper tying you down to one person.  This is the lie promoted in nearly every movie, tv show, advertisement, internet site, magazine, etc.  Why?  Because if you believe this lie if you listen and obey this lie you will be enslaved.  You will be enslaved to your own self.  You will not be happy, you will do so much harm to yourself you will need lots of medications for your depression, anxiety, and fear.  You'll need diet pills, clothing, and products to make yourself "more appealing" and to boost your self-esteem, and all of these things cost lots and lots of money.  And who profits?  The businesses that make the medications, the clothing, the makeup, the shoes, all benefit from your own enslavement and self-destruction.  But shhhh now.  To say sex is wrong is to hinder my freedom! It's is to go against what is natural, it's to restrict my rights as a human being.  That's the thing.  You are free.  You're free to enslave yourself.  You're free to harm yourself.  In fact, some are even fighting now to make you free to kill yourself.  After all, we all know funerals are expensive and there is a profit to be earned there too!

I hope you can admit that you or someone you know has been harmed by sex.  If you can admit that, you can start the process to fix it.  Am I saying sex is evil and harmful and we should stop having sex?  NO that's crazy if we did that we would not last long before we would be on the endangered species list.  What I'm saying is you've been lied to about what sex is.  You've been told it is for you to have a good time, and to enjoy yourself fully as a human being without consequences.  I'm going to tell you a secret now.  I'm guessing it's a secret since not many people seem to know about it.  Sex is not bad!  Sex is not dirty or naughty or dangerous!  When and only when done correctly!  The correct way to have sex is to choose one person out of all the people on the entire earth.  Someone you really love, someone you love to spend time with, and someone of the opposite gender than your own because this person fulfills what is lacking in you, physically, mentally, spiritually.  Commit your life to this person through marriage, where you will promise to be with this person no matter what!  No matter if they drive you crazy in the future or if they decide to grow a mullet, you will love them no matter what because that's what love is.  It is putting the needs and wants of the other first.  You will sacrifice everything for this person up to and including your life in need be. Then and only then after you have made this commitment to each other you will give yourself to the other person it's what's called the marital embrace, aka sex when done right, as a wedding gift to the other person, not for your own pleasure but for theirs, and this is the correct way to use the gift of sex.  It is something holy, powerful, beautiful, awe inspiring.  It binds two people together for life and sometimes it allows them to participate with God in the creation of a brand new life.  This is the only way to use the gift of our sexuality in a way that will not damage us because we are royal beings with great honor.  We have the honor of being made in the image and likeness of God.  Which means we are the only physical beings made that can reason and come to know our creator God.  Because of this, our bodies have great dignity.  When we use them incorrectly, as mere playthings for our own pleasure, we hurt ourselves and others because we instinctively know we are demeaning our own self-worth.  Our souls cry out in torment when we degrade our bodies.  So arise all you people enslaved by premarital sex, adultery, fornication, pornography, shake off your heavy chains and arise to the glory you were made for.

I said before it will be almost 100% guaranteed that you will be unable to become free from this lie by your own power.  If you are a slave to any kind of sexual addiction you can be free if you admit that what you're doing is wrong.  Then desire to be free and to change.  Then I want you to admit that you do not have the ability to be free of these chains on your own and ask God Almighty, the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth, to help you.  You really have to mean it and you have to surrender yourself to God's mercy.  God is not mad at you.  He is not disgusted by what he has witnessed you do to yourself and others, he is sad that you, one of his own created works of art has spoiled yourself.  He desires greatly to help you, to love you and to forgive you.  He wants you to rise up and become the masterpiece he created you to be.  The noble, brilliant person, unique in all the world.  He will help you.  If you do not believe in God, then start believing right now!  It's ok I won't tell anybody!

Now go, surrender to God, allow him to fix you then sin no more and be magnificent!

Want more help?  This site has a ton of recourses to hep you get started: http://chastityproject.com/

PS. If you are worried that you will never find the right person to love for all your life and marry and that sounds like and impossible task, read this book: http://chastityproject.com/products/how-to-find-your-soulmate-without-losing-your-soul/  Peace be with you brothers and sisters.

How to overcome Depression and Self-hate

I am not an expert, but I struggled with depression and self-hate for many years in the past.  I recently came across a forum post about depression.  This person was suffering, considering suicide and reaching out to the internet for support.  Many others admitted to feeling the same way as the original poster and did their best to offer helpful suggestions.  But as the ancient story goes "Can one blind person guide anther?  Surely both will fall into a pit." Those who are currently struggling with depression and self-hate themselves do not give the best advice.  The following suggestions are based on my own experience with overcoming self-hate and depression.

Suggestion #1 - Watch what you eat

No, I'm not talking about food!

The world tries its best to drag you down.  If you're struggling with self-hate, I'm betting the phrase "watch what you eat," immediately conjured up thoughts about all things you don't like about your body.  Society tries to make us focus on the wrong thing so we'll be too distracted to think about the things that actually matter.  By getting people to obsess about their appearance, they can be sure to make a profit selling makeup, diet pills, overpriced 'health' foods, etc.  

Here is what I mean by "Watch what you eat," and I hope this will be the idea that comes to mind when you hear that phrase from now on.  Watch what your mind, heart, and soul are consuming!  Our mind, heart, and soul are fed by the music we listen to, the tv shows and movies we watch, the social media sites we visit, and more.  What are you feeding your innermost being with?  One of the most life changing things I did was to stop listening to popular music!  I have found that I am very sensitive to messages about life and how I feel about myself when that message is accompanied by music.  Changing the music I listen too was the first thing that helped me to start breaking free from the chains of depression.  It wasn't easy!  I decided to try to listen to a Christian radio station called Air1.  You can find a station or listen online here.  When I first started to listen to this station, I thought the music was awful.  The beats didn't seem as catchy as the popular music stations I was used to and the songs seemed quite drab to me.  However, I wanted to give it an honest shot so I forced myself to listen to this station anytime I was driving.  It wasn't long before I had learned some of the songs and was singing along.  Once the songs became more familiar to me I enjoyed them more.  Eventually, I enjoyed them so much I began enthusiastically telling others about the great new music I had discovered!  Now I have been listening to this station for many years and I know nearly every song, except brand new ones, of course, and I will not go back to traditional 'popular' music.  Sure there are a few 'popular' songs I hear every now and then that I like, but when I do happen to hear a 'popular' station while out shopping or riding in someone else's car, I find that many of the songs drag me down and speak death rather than life into me.  My heart and soul are filled with so much encouragement, love, and peace when listening to Christian radio that the sad tales told through 'popular' music no longer satisfies me.  

Now I know some people don't hear the lyrics, their mind just filters all that out and they only hear the beat.  If that's you I suggest listening to music with no words at all, that way you can be sure that there is no subliminal messaging dragging you down.

Other people are not into music at all, but you're probably into something, video games, movies, tv shows, books, social sites, etc.  Whatever it is, do your best to guard your heart, mind, and soul by watching things that will help lift you up rather than drag you down.  I know this is easier said than done and it is still a big struggle for me too.

Suggestion #2 - Seek the root 

In my experience depression and self-hate are symptoms of some kind of misunderstanding or damage done in the past, not the actual problem themselves.  That means focusing on the depression/self-hate is not going to solve the problem.  The root of the problem must be found.  It may be one problem or a whole bunch of problems, but until the actual roots are destroyed the symptoms will live on.  For example, after several years and many emotional discussions with my boyfriend, he was able to help me discover the root of my depression was the fact that I believed being happy was a bad thing.  This was not something I remembered right away and it took a long time for me to recall this bad seed that was planted in my mind as a child.  Once this root was found I saw it for the lie it was and it no longer held me captive.  I was free to be happy.  I realize that may be a mild example, but it was devastating for me. For years I lived dragging myself down, calling myself all kinds of nasty names, anytime I felt I had been happy for too long.  This was a habit and I couldn't recall where it came from or how it started until I was questioned about it so intently that I was forced to look back and back into my past and discovered where this behavior originated.  You may need to seek some counseling if you don't have a trusted non-judgemental friend who can help with this. 

Suggestion #3 - Prayer

The Creator of the Universe, Jesus Christ, fully understands the pain one feels due to depression and self-loathing.  When I realized this fact, I realized I was not alone.  One of the worst things about depression is the thought that nobody understands how you feel and that you're alone, trapped in the confines of your own mind.  Well, thanks be to God that is not true!  I was in a great pit of despair one day, at the end of my rope, and didn't know where to turn for help.  In desperation, I went to the local Church.  As I sat there the story of Jesus' agony before He was arrested to be crucified came to mind.  I remembered how He was so upset He was sweating blood.  That's when Jesus revealed to me that He understood my pain because He had experienced it Himself.  This knowledge was a huge game changer for me.  To have someone understand me, meant the world to me.  That's why I highly encourage you not to run from Jesus when you feel depressed, but to run to him!  He is not going to condemn you, He wants to comfort and console you. He wants to heal your broken heart no matter what you have done.  He understands it all and He truly wants to help you.  You don't have to say anything, or you can simply admit you don't know what to do and ask Him to save you from yourself and your depression.  

Finally

If you can do these three things, avoid things that drag you down spiritually and emotionally, really discover what the cause of your feelings are, and surrender it to Jesus, you can be free of depression.  You can begin to live as a prince or a princess in Christ. You can begin to love yourself because you are loved by God.  Don't give up, realize you are probably not strong enough to overcome this yourself you need God's power and strength to lift you up.  Support from friends and family is helpful, but if you don't have those don't worry, God's strength is enough.  Just admit simply, "Jesus I can not do this, please help me." then be open to His help.  For anyone reading this who is in a tough place right now, I pray that you will be healed of your afflictions and may shine brightly as beautiful person you are.  In Jesus name, Amen.

The Resurrection Flowers

This past Easter Sunday I was out taking a walk when I noticed something strange, a little way off the path there were some upside-down black plastic flower containers.  I went over to investigate and was surprised to find these little pots still had flowers in them.  The soil was completely dry and the flowers were beaten up and partially crushed, but they still had some green in so I deemed them worth saving.

I carried them home and popped them into the kitchen sink since the first thing they needed was a nice drink.  To my surprise and horror really some kind of nasty bugs came crawling out of the pots as they filled with water!  I don't know what kind of insects they were, but they were creepy looking and I didn't want them in my house so I hurriedly smashed them all.  After a good soaking, I gingerly carried them to the balcony still paranoid that more bugs would come crawling out.

I figured I should wait a little while to see if they managed to come back to life in full before repotting them.  After only a week and half they were standing up straight, full of color, and even starting to bloom!

It looked like they were going live so it was time to repot them.  I picked up some nice bright happy pots and gave them a new home.

In the next month, they doubled in size and are continuing to live happily to this day.  There was a bump along the way when it reached 108 F or so one day, which is really rare for California, and they got sun scored.  I moved them to the shade and they are coming back quite nicely again.  

Why Resurrection Flowers?

Why have I decided these begonias are resurrection flowers?  Well, I found them on Easter Sunday and they were practically dead and came back to life.  That's the simplest answer.  But, I did think the whole story is rather symbolic of a Christian conversion story.

Here is what the story symbolizes to me:

The flower is like the soul.  This soul was found in dry and withered state.  It was crushed and bruised, by the weight of the world bearing down on it.

The flower could not help itself from the dire situation it found itself in. Without outside help, it would surely die.  A soul can not help itself out of the grip of sin on its own.  A soul must allow God to lift it out of ditch, and set it back on solid ground.  God will never give up on any soul no matter what state He finds it in, but if a soul is unwilling to allow God to help it, it will surely die the eternal death. 

The flower was brought back to life through water and the sun, while a bruised and broken soul is brought back to life through the sacraments particularly Baptism, and contact with the Son.  When the flower was drenched in the life-giving water, harmful insects were expelled out of its container.  When a soul is drenched in the life-giving water of Baptism, harmful sins are expelled from it and the soul is made perfectly clean and new again.

When the flower spent time in the sun, it thrived.  When the soul spends time with the Son it thrives.

Sometimes the heat of the harsh world will cause the flower to wither, just as the soul will sometimes fall back into sin.  But the flower can be renewed when its environment changes and a soul can be renewed when it is cleansed anew by the sacrament of Reconciliation then strives to change its habits and environment so it does not fall into sin again.

The flower makes beautiful blooms when it is alive and healthy, just as a soul can be used by God to make beautiful things such as bringing encouragement, joy, or peace to others when it's is truly alive and healthy.

The question is which flower is your soul like? 

If you don't know where to start click Here for a bunch of awesome resources.  Or feel free to email me at findingfishes@gmail.com

The Giver - Review [Spoilers]

The 2014 movie The Giver recently showed up on Netflix.  I didn't see it when it came out in theaters because I had read the book when I was in 5th or 6th grade and I remembered it being too depressing because I felt the premonition of what the future was like was too close to reality.  I remember the book also had a very unsatisfactory ending.  

This movie adaptation, however, is wonderful!  I literally watched it two days in a row because I enjoyed it so much!  

As usual, I am most impressed by movies with a strong moral message.  The strongest message I got out of  The Giver was about the dignity and value of human life.  In Jonas' society humans have been reduced to lukewarm puppets.  The don't have any ambitions of their own, they lack creativity and they no longer have any strong emotions good or bad.  Some aspects or their community are good, there is no conflict, no bullying, everyone has a purpose, and everyone is treated equally.  The dark underbelly is: if you don't fit into their perfect little world you are put to death!

As Jonas begins receiving the memories of people and cultures before his time he sees people fully living.  He experiences true joy, creativity, beauty, wonder, and love.  He also sees the darker side of humanity, greed, hatred, fear, pain, and death. All of these things are absent from his community.  In order to blot out the worst of humanities traits, they also had to blot out the best.  However, once Jonas understands what death really is, the loss of a unique person who is unrepeatable, he realizes his community did not get rid of the darkness of humanity, they sugar coated it and made it acceptable.  Jonas sees his "father" murder a perfectly healthy innocent baby simply because he was a twin.  The book elaborates more on this, explaining that twins were unacceptable because two people that alike could cause them both to stand out and gain extra attention either positive or negative.  So one twin was always killed after birth.  The book also explained that babies that had some sort of deformity or health problem, mental or physical were also killed.  Their society also killed off the elderly once they got to a certain regardless of their health.  

The memories Jonas saw of people dancing, singing, praying, enjoying nature and extream sports reminded me of the value of each human person.  No two people are alike and each individual is beautiful simply by living.  A newborn baby and a helpless elderly person are both just as valuable as everyone else.  People don't have to do anything for their life to be valuable they are valuable because they are children of God.  Each person's continued existence adds a value of its own to the world.  Jonas society did not recognize this and our own is headed right down that road.  A quick google search reveals that 60 - 90% of woman who's babies are diagnosed with down-syndrome before they are born decide to kill their babies via abortion.  As of 10/2015 5 states have made euthanasia legal.  Euthanasia primarily affects the elderly, the poor, and the terminally ill.  People who begin to see their lives as a burden on their loved ones or who can not afford health care may opt into suicide.  

We are losing the sense of value of each human life.  So often life can become about either trying to fit in with others or competing with others.  But what we are created to do is live fully as ourselves and become the person God created us to be.  There is no need to change just to fit in and there is no need to compete to be better than others.  We are supposed to love others not kill them.  If someone is sick we should love and take care of them not make them feel like a burden.  If an unborn baby is not "perfect" that doesn't mean we should kill them.  That baby still deserves to live.  Some people think if their unborn baby is sick or has some kind of problem that is it is more loving to kill them to spare them any pain they may experience in this world.  Everyone who has ever lived and ever will live will experience some kind of pain in their life, that is part of being alive.  The people in The Giver did not experience pain and they did not experience love either and hence were they truly alive?  That's what the movie wants you to decide.

God of the Impossible

This past week several of my coworks and friends have been caught up in the recent presidential debates and are fearful about what the future holds.  None of the candidates really stand out as someone who really exemplifies a good moral character with the best interest of the people in mind.  Another good friend sees how similar recent events are to the events described in the book of Revelation, and can't help but wonder how close we are to the end.  It is very easy to become caught up in all of this worry and fear and I found myself awake around 4am the other night wondering about the end of the world and the state of our country. 

This morning however, it dawned on me that God really loves to keep everyone on their toes and achieve impossible things.  Inspired by Fr. Gaitley's book 33 Days to Merciful Love I recalled how just when the world was at it's darkest moment.  When the King of the Universe our Lord Jesus was on the cross dying and all hope of the angle's prophecy to Mary seemed lost. (Luke 1:32-33) "He will be great and will be called Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his ancestor David; he will rule over the House of Jacob for ever and his reign will have no end." Jesus is risen from the dead, accomplishing His most well known impossible feat ever.  So although the signs of the time may look bleak and there is a lot of uncertainty of the leadership of our country this very well may be the dark before the dawn.  The age of disobedience will come to an end eventually to be replaced by a new age, the age of obedience.

As human beings we overcome impossible odds and achieve impossible things all the time.  We travel at speeds of at least 65mph on a daily basis that was impossible in the days of horse travel.  We can talk to someone on the other side of the world in an instant, again Impossible! Much of our food can be warmed in in 30 seconds or less I doubt you can even start a fire that quick.  We do so many things on daily basis that would have been considered impossible to people in the past, that we would do well to recall that humans are created only in the image of God.  If we are but God's mere reflections how much greater are the impossibilities God Himself can achieve?

Throughout Jesus' public life there are so many documented miracles, it can sometimes be difficult to remember that even one miracle would put us in awe if it were to happen in front of us today.  I don't know about you, but I have never witnessed first hand a completely paralyzed man get up and walk, instantly cured.  Today we can artificially help the blind see and the deaf hear by means of technology.  Yet, we are only just now catching up to what Jesus was able to do thousands of years ago with a mere touch or a word, and we are no where near restoring sight or sound without technology.  That would be impossible right?  Wrong, Jesus did it and so did some of his followers.

What other impossible things did Jesus do?  Control the weather (Mark 4:39), defy the laws of nature aka walking on water (Matthew 14:25), defy the laws of math aka feeding over 5000 with only 5 loves and 2 fish (John 6:9-13).  But of course that's not all.  Just to top it all off, Jesus rose from the dead, then sent the Holy Spirit to dwell among us and gave His Church 7 sacraments in which He Himself and the Holy Spirit would continue to achieve impossible things until He comes back again. 

Probably the most impossible sacrament is the Eucharist.  Jesus is actually fully present, body, blood, soul, and divinity in the form of bread and wine.  We know from scripture Jesus can take one substance and turn it into another.  He proves that with His very first miracle changing water into wine.  That alone should have been impossible, but it wasn't.  Then He goes a step farther and takes 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish and multiples that so it's enough to feed 5000 men plus an unknown number of women and children with 12 baskets of left overs.  When God does impossible things He does so with abundance!  Finally He combines these two miracles together, cause you know, they just weren't impossible enough yet!  He wine and bread, as used in the previous two miracles, changes them and into Himself and multiples Himself so that every single little white host that is consecrated contains Himself fully no matter how many times it is divided!  Then He says believe that!  Of course at this point many people in Jesus time and people today say "no" they will not believe that because it is too extreme too impossible and they walk away. (John 6:66 interesting verse number humm?)

We are followers of a God who does Impossible things.  It should not surprise us that God can become bread and wine if he wants to, why not? God can do anything!  God created everything out of nothing.  If I were to say to you, "make me a cake," and you asked me what kind, and I said "I don't care, but you can't use anything to make it with."  I don't think I would be getting my cake anytime soon.  We can not create something out of nothing, but God can.  That's impossible for us, and so we say, "that's impossible."  We can not change our bodies into an inanimate object, and so we say, "that's impossible."  But, what does God say? (Luke 18:27) "What is impossible with man is possible with God."  Therefor the more impossible something seems the more likely it is of God.  The Catholic Church has been teaching the same truth for thousands of years from the time of Jesus until today and have not taught anything about faith or morals that is false despite being run by sometimes corrupt and sinful men. Yup sounds pretty impossible, therefor only God could have safeguarded His truth throughout the generations so it is still the same truth today.  

Perhaps other impossible things come to mind, three shepherd children see the Virgin Mary, or a man is reported to levitate.  Or a child is cured from an incurable disease, or a couple who's marriage was on the brink of divorce suddenly have a stronger relationship than before.  Or maybe you managed to slow down just before that car swung into your lane, or that woman that always scowls at you at work actually smiled and said hello today.  God and His angles and His Saints are very active in this world today, performing impossible things both big and small.  Refuse to believe in coincidences and see impossible things as the miracles they are.  As quoted by Mark Hart "Don't tell God how big your problems or fears are instead tell your fears and problems how big your God is!" And our God will do impossible things.