How to overcome Depression and Self-hate

I am not an expert, but I struggled with depression and self-hate for many years in the past.  I recently came across a forum post about depression.  This person was suffering, considering suicide and reaching out to the internet for support.  Many others admitted to feeling the same way as the original poster and did their best to offer helpful suggestions.  But as the ancient story goes "Can one blind person guide anther?  Surely both will fall into a pit." Those who are currently struggling with depression and self-hate themselves do not give the best advice.  The following suggestions are based on my own experience with overcoming self-hate and depression.

Suggestion #1 - Watch what you eat

No, I'm not talking about food!

The world tries its best to drag you down.  If you're struggling with self-hate, I'm betting the phrase "watch what you eat," immediately conjured up thoughts about all things you don't like about your body.  Society tries to make us focus on the wrong thing so we'll be too distracted to think about the things that actually matter.  By getting people to obsess about their appearance, they can be sure to make a profit selling makeup, diet pills, overpriced 'health' foods, etc.  

Here is what I mean by "Watch what you eat," and I hope this will be the idea that comes to mind when you hear that phrase from now on.  Watch what your mind, heart, and soul are consuming!  Our mind, heart, and soul are fed by the music we listen to, the tv shows and movies we watch, the social media sites we visit, and more.  What are you feeding your innermost being with?  One of the most life changing things I did was to stop listening to popular music!  I have found that I am very sensitive to messages about life and how I feel about myself when that message is accompanied by music.  Changing the music I listen too was the first thing that helped me to start breaking free from the chains of depression.  It wasn't easy!  I decided to try to listen to a Christian radio station called Air1.  You can find a station or listen online here.  When I first started to listen to this station, I thought the music was awful.  The beats didn't seem as catchy as the popular music stations I was used to and the songs seemed quite drab to me.  However, I wanted to give it an honest shot so I forced myself to listen to this station anytime I was driving.  It wasn't long before I had learned some of the songs and was singing along.  Once the songs became more familiar to me I enjoyed them more.  Eventually, I enjoyed them so much I began enthusiastically telling others about the great new music I had discovered!  Now I have been listening to this station for many years and I know nearly every song, except brand new ones, of course, and I will not go back to traditional 'popular' music.  Sure there are a few 'popular' songs I hear every now and then that I like, but when I do happen to hear a 'popular' station while out shopping or riding in someone else's car, I find that many of the songs drag me down and speak death rather than life into me.  My heart and soul are filled with so much encouragement, love, and peace when listening to Christian radio that the sad tales told through 'popular' music no longer satisfies me.  

Now I know some people don't hear the lyrics, their mind just filters all that out and they only hear the beat.  If that's you I suggest listening to music with no words at all, that way you can be sure that there is no subliminal messaging dragging you down.

Other people are not into music at all, but you're probably into something, video games, movies, tv shows, books, social sites, etc.  Whatever it is, do your best to guard your heart, mind, and soul by watching things that will help lift you up rather than drag you down.  I know this is easier said than done and it is still a big struggle for me too.

Suggestion #2 - Seek the root 

In my experience depression and self-hate are symptoms of some kind of misunderstanding or damage done in the past, not the actual problem themselves.  That means focusing on the depression/self-hate is not going to solve the problem.  The root of the problem must be found.  It may be one problem or a whole bunch of problems, but until the actual roots are destroyed the symptoms will live on.  For example, after several years and many emotional discussions with my boyfriend, he was able to help me discover the root of my depression was the fact that I believed being happy was a bad thing.  This was not something I remembered right away and it took a long time for me to recall this bad seed that was planted in my mind as a child.  Once this root was found I saw it for the lie it was and it no longer held me captive.  I was free to be happy.  I realize that may be a mild example, but it was devastating for me. For years I lived dragging myself down, calling myself all kinds of nasty names, anytime I felt I had been happy for too long.  This was a habit and I couldn't recall where it came from or how it started until I was questioned about it so intently that I was forced to look back and back into my past and discovered where this behavior originated.  You may need to seek some counseling if you don't have a trusted non-judgemental friend who can help with this. 

Suggestion #3 - Prayer

The Creator of the Universe, Jesus Christ, fully understands the pain one feels due to depression and self-loathing.  When I realized this fact, I realized I was not alone.  One of the worst things about depression is the thought that nobody understands how you feel and that you're alone, trapped in the confines of your own mind.  Well, thanks be to God that is not true!  I was in a great pit of despair one day, at the end of my rope, and didn't know where to turn for help.  In desperation, I went to the local Church.  As I sat there the story of Jesus' agony before He was arrested to be crucified came to mind.  I remembered how He was so upset He was sweating blood.  That's when Jesus revealed to me that He understood my pain because He had experienced it Himself.  This knowledge was a huge game changer for me.  To have someone understand me, meant the world to me.  That's why I highly encourage you not to run from Jesus when you feel depressed, but to run to him!  He is not going to condemn you, He wants to comfort and console you. He wants to heal your broken heart no matter what you have done.  He understands it all and He truly wants to help you.  You don't have to say anything, or you can simply admit you don't know what to do and ask Him to save you from yourself and your depression.  

Finally

If you can do these three things, avoid things that drag you down spiritually and emotionally, really discover what the cause of your feelings are, and surrender it to Jesus, you can be free of depression.  You can begin to live as a prince or a princess in Christ. You can begin to love yourself because you are loved by God.  Don't give up, realize you are probably not strong enough to overcome this yourself you need God's power and strength to lift you up.  Support from friends and family is helpful, but if you don't have those don't worry, God's strength is enough.  Just admit simply, "Jesus I can not do this, please help me." then be open to His help.  For anyone reading this who is in a tough place right now, I pray that you will be healed of your afflictions and may shine brightly as beautiful person you are.  In Jesus name, Amen.

The Resurrection Flowers

This past Easter Sunday I was out taking a walk when I noticed something strange, a little way off the path there were some upside-down black plastic flower containers.  I went over to investigate and was surprised to find these little pots still had flowers in them.  The soil was completely dry and the flowers were beaten up and partially crushed, but they still had some green in so I deemed them worth saving.

I carried them home and popped them into the kitchen sink since the first thing they needed was a nice drink.  To my surprise and horror really some kind of nasty bugs came crawling out of the pots as they filled with water!  I don't know what kind of insects they were, but they were creepy looking and I didn't want them in my house so I hurriedly smashed them all.  After a good soaking, I gingerly carried them to the balcony still paranoid that more bugs would come crawling out.

I figured I should wait a little while to see if they managed to come back to life in full before repotting them.  After only a week and half they were standing up straight, full of color, and even starting to bloom!

It looked like they were going live so it was time to repot them.  I picked up some nice bright happy pots and gave them a new home.

In the next month, they doubled in size and are continuing to live happily to this day.  There was a bump along the way when it reached 108 F or so one day, which is really rare for California, and they got sun scored.  I moved them to the shade and they are coming back quite nicely again.  

Why Resurrection Flowers?

Why have I decided these begonias are resurrection flowers?  Well, I found them on Easter Sunday and they were practically dead and came back to life.  That's the simplest answer.  But, I did think the whole story is rather symbolic of a Christian conversion story.

Here is what the story symbolizes to me:

The flower is like the soul.  This soul was found in dry and withered state.  It was crushed and bruised, by the weight of the world bearing down on it.

The flower could not help itself from the dire situation it found itself in. Without outside help, it would surely die.  A soul can not help itself out of the grip of sin on its own.  A soul must allow God to lift it out of ditch, and set it back on solid ground.  God will never give up on any soul no matter what state He finds it in, but if a soul is unwilling to allow God to help it, it will surely die the eternal death. 

The flower was brought back to life through water and the sun, while a bruised and broken soul is brought back to life through the sacraments particularly Baptism, and contact with the Son.  When the flower was drenched in the life-giving water, harmful insects were expelled out of its container.  When a soul is drenched in the life-giving water of Baptism, harmful sins are expelled from it and the soul is made perfectly clean and new again.

When the flower spent time in the sun, it thrived.  When the soul spends time with the Son it thrives.

Sometimes the heat of the harsh world will cause the flower to wither, just as the soul will sometimes fall back into sin.  But the flower can be renewed when its environment changes and a soul can be renewed when it is cleansed anew by the sacrament of Reconciliation then strives to change its habits and environment so it does not fall into sin again.

The flower makes beautiful blooms when it is alive and healthy, just as a soul can be used by God to make beautiful things such as bringing encouragement, joy, or peace to others when it's is truly alive and healthy.

The question is which flower is your soul like? 

If you don't know where to start click Here for a bunch of awesome resources.  Or feel free to email me at findingfishes@gmail.com

The Giver - Review [Spoilers]

The 2014 movie The Giver recently showed up on Netflix.  I didn't see it when it came out in theaters because I had read the book when I was in 5th or 6th grade and I remembered it being too depressing because I felt the premonition of what the future was like was too close to reality.  I remember the book also had a very unsatisfactory ending.  

This movie adaptation, however, is wonderful!  I literally watched it two days in a row because I enjoyed it so much!  

As usual, I am most impressed by movies with a strong moral message.  The strongest message I got out of  The Giver was about the dignity and value of human life.  In Jonas' society humans have been reduced to lukewarm puppets.  The don't have any ambitions of their own, they lack creativity and they no longer have any strong emotions good or bad.  Some aspects or their community are good, there is no conflict, no bullying, everyone has a purpose, and everyone is treated equally.  The dark underbelly is: if you don't fit into their perfect little world you are put to death!

As Jonas begins receiving the memories of people and cultures before his time he sees people fully living.  He experiences true joy, creativity, beauty, wonder, and love.  He also sees the darker side of humanity, greed, hatred, fear, pain, and death. All of these things are absent from his community.  In order to blot out the worst of humanities traits, they also had to blot out the best.  However, once Jonas understands what death really is, the loss of a unique person who is unrepeatable, he realizes his community did not get rid of the darkness of humanity, they sugar coated it and made it acceptable.  Jonas sees his "father" murder a perfectly healthy innocent baby simply because he was a twin.  The book elaborates more on this, explaining that twins were unacceptable because two people that alike could cause them both to stand out and gain extra attention either positive or negative.  So one twin was always killed after birth.  The book also explained that babies that had some sort of deformity or health problem, mental or physical were also killed.  Their society also killed off the elderly once they got to a certain regardless of their health.  

The memories Jonas saw of people dancing, singing, praying, enjoying nature and extream sports reminded me of the value of each human person.  No two people are alike and each individual is beautiful simply by living.  A newborn baby and a helpless elderly person are both just as valuable as everyone else.  People don't have to do anything for their life to be valuable they are valuable because they are children of God.  Each person's continued existence adds a value of its own to the world.  Jonas society did not recognize this and our own is headed right down that road.  A quick google search reveals that 60 - 90% of woman who's babies are diagnosed with down-syndrome before they are born decide to kill their babies via abortion.  As of 10/2015 5 states have made euthanasia legal.  Euthanasia primarily affects the elderly, the poor, and the terminally ill.  People who begin to see their lives as a burden on their loved ones or who can not afford health care may opt into suicide.  

We are losing the sense of value of each human life.  So often life can become about either trying to fit in with others or competing with others.  But what we are created to do is live fully as ourselves and become the person God created us to be.  There is no need to change just to fit in and there is no need to compete to be better than others.  We are supposed to love others not kill them.  If someone is sick we should love and take care of them not make them feel like a burden.  If an unborn baby is not "perfect" that doesn't mean we should kill them.  That baby still deserves to live.  Some people think if their unborn baby is sick or has some kind of problem that is it is more loving to kill them to spare them any pain they may experience in this world.  Everyone who has ever lived and ever will live will experience some kind of pain in their life, that is part of being alive.  The people in The Giver did not experience pain and they did not experience love either and hence were they truly alive?  That's what the movie wants you to decide.